ARTICLES:
Eurasian Experience
Validation
By
Sabrina Margarita Alcantara-Tan
May
2002
One St. Patrick's
Day,
I was talking with some friends of mine who were White.
They were telling me how they were going to be celebrating
Their Irishness that day.
I said I was going to also, as I am part Irish.
They laughed at me,
The dark haired girl with almond eyes,
Belittling me with an, "Everyone's a little Irish on St. Patrick's
Day."
I was hurt.
But also offended
That these guys couldn't see past the black and white of color and
Notice that racially mixed Asian chicks existed too.
I have lived
my whole life validating my ethnic identity.
I have learned to let them guess.
Because categories are so important to people.
And though I will never fit into one
Many will try to box me in.
Fit the mold.
I always end up breaking out of it.
I used to feel
angry when strangers stopped me in the street just to say,
"What ARE you?"
I used to feel like I didn't have the right to acknowledge
the Anglo, Mexican, and other blood I had.
Because people already had made their assumptions of me
Upon first glance.
When people
first meet me, they ask me "what I am."
"Because you look a little Chinese-"
"Are you Mexican?"
Elderly Latina ladies shopping beside me in 99 cent stores
Talk to me in Spanish.
People in the subway say "konichiwa."
It doesn't bother
me as much now.
But do you know what gets me?
The assumptions people make upon my Asianness.
I am aware of the stares.
Of the expectations of the model minority myth.
Even though I don't do well in math.
Of the dutiful daughter image
Even though I speak up on the domestic violence I experienced in
my house growing up.
On the fact that I supposedly take "American" jobs away
Even though I was born here and make less money than most do.
That perhaps I'm a doctor, engineer, sensei's daughter.
These are things I am not.
What I am:
A mixed race girl
Proud of her lineage
Who may decide to go into medicine or not.
But it's my decision.
A queer colored girl
The black sheep of her family
Who speaks up when not spoken to.
A writer of reality
An observer of dreams that may never come true.
A martial artist who hopes she never has to use her knowledge.
An activist who holds up her fist against injustices that should
never be.
And I am also the favorite granddaughter of my lola. May she rest
in peace.
She was the
mother of 11 children.
A strong woman with a soft heart.
A smart cookie who hid her children from the Japanese soldiers during
WWII.
Especially fearful because many of her children had red hair and
freckles,
The Japanese would surely think them American and take them away.
She loved to laugh so much that it jogged her entire body when she
did so.
They broke the mold when they made her.
I can
only hope to be the same.
About
the Author
Sabrina Margarita Alcantara-Tan is creator and editor of Bamboo
Girl, a zine confronting racism, sexism, and homophobia as they
relate to women of color, particularly those of Filipina, Asian
Pacific Islander & mixed Asian heritage. Her work is featured
in That Takes Ovaries! and Young Wives' Tales: New Adventures in
Love and Partnership. She is Co-Coordinator of the Campaign for
Safer Subway Stations (CSSS), is a spoken word and performance artist,
illustrator, and soon-to-be herbalist/acupuncturist healer.
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